You are worth it sis

I feel for you girl. He was no good. How could he have passed you up when you are a gem? Why did he waste your time? Why did he mislead you into thinking there would be more? Well sis, let me break it down to you. He was simply NOT the one for you and that’s okay! You will get through this. You ARE amazing, beautiful and a queen. As a once heart-broken girl I recognize this all the time when I see subliminal quotes and captions of hopeless romantics being posted online. I’m here to share some insight to you that has helped me personally move on with my life.  You don’t need to convince a man you worthy of love. You are the one that has to believe it and keep your head held high.

I once dated a guy for way too long. I did everything I could think of to keep him around. I ignored his flaws because I was too busy admiring all the things that I did like about him and trying to impress him. Me trying to impress HIM. Anyways, the “situationship” ended months later and I was devastated. I couldn’t believe that in my eyes I did everything for this guy and it still didn’t work out. As any other internet user being able to express myself on social media I posted funny yet shady memes about men not recognizing when they have a good woman. I also posted several self-worth captions assuming it would somehow help my self-esteem and heart-break. Well news flash – it didn’t. That is because my posts were contradicting. How could I post self-love quotes while at the time same time bashing men? I was only hurting myself. It just didn’t make sense. It was until I actually moved on and continued to believe in my worth that my perception of men and love changed. I believe in love and I am excited to ultimately meet my future partner. I am just not obsessing over it.

I say all this to let you ladies know I have been there. There is a light at the end of the tunnel.  I’m here to give you some reminders and suggest some tips so you can see the heart-break from a different perspective. Hopefully they help you stop beating yourself up on the past and focus on moving forward. Happy and sane.

You did not waste your time. He may have not been the one for you but think about the role he played in your life. What did you gain from the experience? You will actually realize you learned a few things about yourself you may have not had you never met him. You also had the chance to see him for the type of man he was at the end of it all. This allows for you to think about what character traits you really want in your future boo. He wasn’t a mistake. He was simply a lesson learned.       

Acknowledge you are loved. First, embrace loving yourself. Self-love is ultimately the best love because it helps builds healthy boundaries on what you will and will not tolerate in your life. Don’t try to figure why he didn’t love you like you thought he would. Your own love is what really matters. On top of that you are already loved by your family, friends, and most importantly a higher power. Stop chasing the urge to be loved by a man and realize you are already surrounded by it. When you meet the man of your dream that falls in love with you it will simply be the icing on a cake.

Work on yourself. Deal with the heart-break but don’t dwell on it. Do it by focusing and working on yourself. This sounds cliché I know. But it REALLY does work. When I started focusing on my inner self and things that made me happy my self-esteem sky rocketed. I learned new things about myself and I began to get excited about all the life changes I created.  When you have time to be alone with no male distraction you will gain an understanding on the type of woman you are presently and the type of woman you want to become. 

Your standards will increase. At least they should in my opinion. When you notice a trending pattern in your taste of men not work out, it’s time to re-evaluate your standards. Think about how you may be currently perceived by men and what type of men you want to come in your life. We are what we attract so this may also mean re-evaluating yourself. I don’t believe we attract abusers, cheaters, etc. but it is up to us to walk away and not accept the cycle to continue. Allow this break to really think about what type of  man you want to be with. What kind of father do you want for your children? The role model for you sons?

Live your best life. But seriously, do it. When you focus on other beautiful things in life you will no longer be chasing love. Love will find you at the right time. If you are too busy reading a book, listening to an inspirational podcast or even booking your next flight you  begin to appreciate the benefits of solitude. I am not saying shut men out your life. Be open to receiving love, going on dates, etc. but don’t make it a priority. Don’t force something with someone if you realize they aren’t compatible with you or share the same goals as you. Live and love your life knowing that what’s for you will be.

Yours truly,

Carolina